2008 Q3 Financial Dictionary

BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no “fun”.
BROKER — What my financial advisor has made me.
BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor who mistakes himself for a financial genius.
CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Former investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.
P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.
STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.